Young Ran Beak
Member of Hancock Park Meditation
I started this meditation two months after my wedding day. You might think that sounds weird because I’m not supposed to look for meditation since I just got married and am supposed to be spending the sweetest time of my life with the husband. This is so true. My husband was not the reason why I was looking for meditation. He is a really nice and kind person. He was a student at that time, and I was running a small art school business.
There was no place to rest my mind in this world.
But, even before my wedding day, I experienced many stressful situations regarding my family relationships with my in-laws. Going through these situations, my mental condition got weaker and weaker, and I had to meet a psychotherapist. I was diagnosed with anger disorder. I had always felt a huge emotional rock in my chest, and it was hard for me to breathe from time to time. I also suffered from digestion issues and headaches.
At that time, one of my friends nicknamed me “the walking dead” because I looked so sickly. I was having an extremely hard time in life. Even after my marriage, I was always worried that I could not be a good daughter-in-law for my mother-in-law. Because I was born a perfectionist, I worried about everything. What if I’m not a good mom, what if I fail in my married life, and so on and so on.
I started to feel both my mind and body getting weaker. I have always been religious and prayed hard but constantly felt there was a limitation. I really had no place in this world to rest my mind. And then, I found a flyer for this meditation and I decided to try it.
After finding peace of mind, I am able to be grateful for all the hardships that I have ever had in my life.
I had so many minds to let go of since I am the kind of person who is easily attached to everything. I needed plenty of time for my heart and mind to recover. It was not so easy to battle myself and I had to endure the whole time while letting go of my attachments. As time went by, I started to feel more comfortable and became happier as I practiced this meditation.
Since I have found my true self through this meditation, I have started to feel that my heart is now widely opened and feel so much lighter. I was also able to escape from the pressure that stemmed from the expectations of all the people that I know. I especially felt huge pressure to be a good mom and have a good child. But, now I am able to always feel comfortable.
I meditated really hard because I had no choice. Seven months after starting this meditation, I got pregnant. Another reason I started this meditation was because I heard that meditation is good for prenatal care. Eventually I was able to deliver my son within three hours. All of my friends were surprised by that.
Now I am a strong mom who has two sons. I’m really grateful for all the struggles that I have gone through. I have now realized that all the struggles and obstacles did not stress me out. Rather it was me who stressed myself out. My mind kept driving me into trouble.
Now my mind is completely different. Many of my friends still ask me, “How do you pay for meditation when you’re a person who doesn’t like to spend money?” Then, I always answer them like this, “I never thought it was a waste to spend my money on this meditation. There are so many things more valuable than money.” This is very true. Now my everyday life has become so “lovely”. No amount of money can buy me my true happiness.